


will you fix me up (will you show me hope)

by birichietozier



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Angst, Fluff, Language, M/M, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, but what else is new, hospital au, legit she is homophobic af, reddie are both 18, so is bowers and his gang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22021807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birichietozier/pseuds/birichietozier
Summary: After being told not to spend all his free time at the arcade, Richie Tozier is now spending Christmas Vacation volunteering at the hospital, delivering flowers and visiting patients. It's on one of these days that he meets Eddie Kaspbrak who is laid up with multiple broken bones. Suddenly, Derry doesn't look so bad.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 9
Kudos: 200





	will you fix me up (will you show me hope)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [watersactuallyprettygood](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=watersactuallyprettygood).



> This was a lot of fun to write! Big thanks to boyegcs for the beta help (and support)!  
>  It was for a secret santa exchange and, Meagan, I really hope you love this!

**Part One**

_ January 4, 2020 _

It took a month to know that Derry sucked, not that Castle Rock had been any better, really. Richie was actually becoming convinced that Maine sucked in general, and he was already collecting college applications to leave the state, not that helped him now. No, as of right now, he was still stuck in yet another place where he didn’t fit in.

But at seventeen, Richie was pretty sure that it was a good thing not to fit in some places. He was pretty sure that fitting in either meant sacrificing the core parts of yourself, the things that made you special, or that you were just an asshole because assholes seemed to run the world. It was a sad truth, something that had sparked anger in him that hadn’t quite left when he figured it out, but it was true. Greed and power and hate ran the world and everyone else just had to try to survive. 

Maggie Tozier, however, thought that spending all of his free time in the arcade was a waste of time and effort. She also felt that he should be making friends and networks, that he needed community in his life, even though Richie kept reminding her that come August he’d be out of Derry for good and it wouldn’t matter. He, of course, lost that argument and that was how he had ended up volunteering at the local hospital that January. 

Richie pulled the cart of flowers to the side of the hallway, lifted the vase of flowers from the cart and double-checked that he had the right room before going inside. 

“I am your singing telegram,” he sang out cheerfully in a high voice as he rounded into the room. He’d done several rooms today, delivering flowers and keeping patients’ spirits up, and was pretty sure he knew what to expect. It was most likely going to be someone older, maybe in for pneumonia or even an injury, and they were going to be amused by him in that way adults were of teenagers- where they appreciated the youth and innocence or whatever. Or they were going to be entirely unamused by him and do their best to get him out immediately, that had happened a few times.

He wasn’t in the least expecting the patient to be a teenage boy. Richie stopped in his tracks, holding the flowers awkwardly as he watched the teenager look at him with a strange expression on his face like he was trying to figure out what this guy was doing in his room. “I think you have the wrong room,” the boy said slowly, eyebrow quirking up slowly.

“Uh, no, I’m pretty sure-” Richie glanced at the card and said, “Eddie? Kaspbrak?”

“Yeah,” Eddie answered, tone still questioning as if he wasn’t at all convinced by that that Richie wasn’t stalking him or up to something shady.

“It is your lucky day then!” Richie said cheerfully, recovering himself quickly as he moved forward to set them down. “You have a delivery from-” he glanced at the card again “-from the Denbrough clan! That’s so sweet, I love those Denbroughs.”

Eddie frowned at him. “Do you know them?”

“No, I have absolutely no idea who they are at all.” Richie grinned at him and fell into the chair by the bed. “They sound cool though. Family or friends?” The other boy looked like he couldn’t figure out what to make of him, which only made Richie grin as he leaned back, sneaker coming to rest on the edge of the bed as he pushed himself back onto the back legs of the chair. It was rare that someone who had just met him got him right away; it was much more normal for them to spend time trying to figure him out.

“Uh, friends,” Eddie said slowly. “I’m sorry, can you… not do that?” He motioned to Richie’s foot against his bed with his good arm. Richie obeyed quickly, the chair slamming back onto all four legs with a loud thump. 

“So what happened to you?” Richie asked, nodding at Eddie’s arm. 

Eddie glanced at it in surprise, almost as if he had forgotten it was there. “Oh.” A series of emotions and thoughts flashed over his face and Richie could actually see the internal debate about how much to share. Finally, he said, “I was in the Barrens with my friends and climbed a tree. I fell and threw my arm out, like you’re not supposed to do, and landed on it. So.” He wouldn’t look up from the cast once as he spoke and the conflicted emotions were still on his face, displaying easily that he didn’t want to revisit whatever had happened. 

Well, Richie certainly wasn’t going to push him into it. “Sucks,” he said instead. “You ever seen _Bob’s Burgers_? They have this one episode with a Stuntman Bootcamp. You should do that. They like pretend to fall off buildings and shit, you’d learn how to fall.”

Eddie stared at him for a minute before snorting lightly in amusement. “Yeah, I’ll add it right to my to-do list. My mom would love that.”

“Overprotective?”

“You don’t know the half of it.” 

“Is that why you’re here for a broken arm?”

“I broke a couple of ribs too,” Eddie said reluctantly. Richie felt one of his eyebrows raise slightly. Broken ribs from a tree? Possible, but he didn’t think it was very likely. Granted, he’d already guessed it was a lie. After a pause, Eddie’s expression changed to a studying one. “What are you doing here? Volunteer?”

“Yep,” Richie said, popping the p. “My parents decided to move us in my last semester in high school and that I have to be social for it.”

Eddie snorted, “Are you ever not social? Is this you not being social? Because if so I don’t know what the hell social would look like.”

A surprised laugh ripped from Richie, causing him to half lean forwards out of his chair. When he sat back up, he saw Eddie looking startled at the response but also a little gratified, which was a sight that Richie found that he greatly appreciated seeing. “By social she just meant not spending all my free time in the arcade.”

“Well, how is the volunteering then?”

“Not too bad when I get to meet cuties like you,” he said with an outlandish wink that made Eddie flush. Richie grinned to himself, deciding right then that he liked the look of Eddie’s cheeks going pink and he really liked being the one to make it happen. “How long are they gonna keep you in here?” he asked, deciding to save Eddie from having to come up with something to say.

“Dunno,” Eddie said after a minute. “I have surgery scheduled tomorrow afternoon. The bone in my arm broke in two places so…”

“Holy shit,” Richie whistled. “Just from sticking your arm out when you fell?” Eddie shrugged noncommittally and Richie pressed his lips together, trying to decide if he really wasn’t going to push him or not. Finally, he decided to let it go and said, “Any idea how long after that?”

Eddie shrugged his shoulders and then they both winced, Eddie from pain and Richie from sympathy. “My mom might make me stay longer than I really need to. She overdoes things.”

“Well, I need to continue my rounds, but I’ll tell you what,” Richie said after a moment as he got to his feet. “I’ll come see you every day till you do get out. But no conjugal visits, mister, till that arms all better.” Eddie flushed pink again and Richie felt his lips pull into another grin. 

“Surely you don’t volunteer every day?” 

Richie shook his head with a laugh and moved around towards the door. “You’re cute, Eds,” he said, glancing at him again over his shoulder. 

“My name’s Eddie, not Eds,” Eddie said after him. “Shit, what’s yours?”

He turned in the doorway, watching him as if he would deny it to him (which he wouldn’t have) and then grinned. “Richie,” he told him before ducking out of the room.

___

The next day, Richie had a pack of cards in his pocket. “Knock knock!” he announced as he entered the room, pulling the cards out of his pocket and holding them up. The smile that Eddie gave him when he looked up was weary, almost surprised, like he hadn’t expected Richie to come back and he wasn’t sure what to think about the fact that he had. It was a guarded smile, but something about it made Richie’s breath catch in his throat.

“You came back,” Eddie said.

“Of course. You’re way too cute to go without seeing.” Richie sat in the chair by the bed again. “I brought cards. Thought we could play Go Fish.”

Eddie’s lips twitched again in the corner and he said, “Oh yeah? How do I know you won’t cheat?”

“Oh sweetheart, I never cheat,” Richie told him smoothly, winking easily as he shuffled the cards. Eddie flushed as Richie dealt the cards between them and set the deck down. “You can go first. Are you nervous?”

“About Go Fish? No, believe it or not, I’m brave like that. Got any two’s?” 

Richie barked a laugh of surprise. “Go fish. And no, I meant for your surgery.”

“Oh.” Eddie shifted a little and shrugged his shoulders. “I guess. I dunno, I’m more-” He went quiet before saying, “Yeah, I guess.”

Richie glanced at him, offering a sympathetic smile, and turned back to his cards. “Any five’s?” Eddie tossed him a card. “I had my appendix out last year. It sucked, but the surgery wasn’t bad. I mean, not that I remember it.” Eddie snorted in amusement and then grimaced, which made Richie screw up his own face apologetically. “Sorry,” Richie said, “I know, I’m so funny that I’m fucking hazardous.”

Eddie looked like he was trying not to laugh. “Funny looking, maybe,” he said.

“Ow, you’re breaking my heart. That was unoriginal but still hurtful,” Richie teased back easily. “It’s your turn, heartbreaker.” As Eddie considered, Richie turned to look around the room, frowning slightly as he realized what was different. “What happened to your flowers?”

“Oh.” Something that looked almost ashamed flashed over Eddie’s face and Richie noticed that he was making sure to avoid meeting his gaze. “My mom tossed them yesterday. She said they’d mess up my allergies and I’d end up getting pneumonia in here or something.”

“That’s fucking stupid,” Richie said bluntly. “Does she do that a lot?”

Eddie shrugged his good shoulder, eyes glued to the cards in his hand. “She worries a lot,” he said finally. Knowing that it wasn’t his place to say so, Richie kept to himself that it seemed like that might not actually be the extent of it. 

Things got steadily cheerier as they kept playing, and Richie fully intended on staying with Eddie until they came to get him for his surgery; he’d left Eddie for last that day purposefully so that he could. Though that was thrown out when he saw Eddie look up, anxiety flashing instantly in his eyes. “Hi, Mom.”

Richie turned, surveying the large woman cooly. Her demeanor was cold and judging, and her eyes were fixed on Richie with the expression one might have if they found a rat in their child’s hospital room. 

“Eddie-bear, who is this?” she asked cooly, coming to Eddie’s side as if to protect him from a threat. 

Things were clicking in Richie’s head by the second as he looked up at her and then to Eddie, who looked more nervous than Richie had seen him since they met. “This is Richie,” Eddie said, not quite meeting her gaze even as he looked at her. “He’s a volunteer.”

“And why is he here?” Her voice was polite, but it was the fake kind of polite, the kind that you use on the phone when a solicitor calls. 

“Just keeping me company, Mama,” Eddie said quietly. 

Richie had spent all of one minute in Mrs. Kaspbrak’s company, but he knew that he did not like anything about her. He didn’t like the way she towered over her son, or the way her questions had a tone that suggested that Eddie should be careful about his answers, and he definitely did not like the way that Eddie had shrunk the moment he’d noticed her. “It’s really a pleasure,” Richie chirped, assuming that that would bother her more than him being cool towards her, “Eds here is just so cute, he makes it easy.”

Sure enough, her eyes narrowed and Richie was certain that if looks could kill, he’d be dead. He could see her measuring him, probably trying to figure out if he was just annoying or gay, and he almost wanted her to ask so he could report that he was bisexual just to watch her face change colors. 

Deciding not to put Eddie through any more of this torturous moment when he already looked so fucking small, Richie set his cards down and got to his feet. “Well, I should probably head out.” He put the cards in the box again, making sure to take long enough for Mrs. Kaspbrak to get annoyed enough to avert her attention. He quickly took one of the cards (The King of Hearts) and a marker from his pocket, scribbled his number, and put it in Eddie’s hand with a small smile. 

The quiet smile he got from Eddie was enough to make his heart skip several beats in a row. “Good luck,” he said quietly, squeezing Eddie’s hand carefully before grabbing the rest of the pack and walking out of the room.

Eddie had first texted him almost as soon as Richie got out of the hospital, which had made him grin at his phone like a complete moron. They texted up until the surgery, and then again after, which was amusing given the drugs that Eddie was clearly on. Richie’s favorite of those texts was:  _ I’m gonna stop texting you before I tell you how badly I wanted to kiss you today. _ And then, a full minute later had come:  _ Oops. _

Maybe Derry wasn’t so bad after all.

___

**Eddie Spaghetti- 7:09:** Oh my god. I was high. Please ignore that.

**Eddie Spaghetti- 7:10:** All of it, but especially the… you know the part

**Richie Tozier- 9:13:** What if I really don't want to?

**Richie Tozier- 9:15:** But how ya feeling today, Daredevil? You get to go home yet?

**Eddie Spaghetti- 9:27:** I wish. Keeping me one more day because my ma freaked out. There was crying and the doctor didn't know how else to stop it.

**Richie Tozier- 9:27:** Yikes. I'll stop by today then ;) 

When Richie arrived at the hospital, it was with another playing card in his pocket. On this one, he'd written song lyrics on it with a small daisy drawn under it. He figured if Eddie wasn't allowed to have  _ real _ flowers this might be a decent substitute. Hopefully.

As he rounded the hall towards Eddie's room, he texted Eddie a quick  _ Almost to you Spaghetti Man  _ and received  _ Don't call me that _ within the minute. He smiled and slid his phone into his pocket, pausing as he heard voices from the room.

"Bill Denbrough, you say sorry right this instant!" a girl was howling from Eddie's room in a firm voice.

"I absolutely will not!" The response was another new voice, but Richie figured that it was from one of the infamous Denbroughs.

"He shouldn't have to when he's right," said another.

"Exactly my point, Stanley!"

"Look at Eddie, he's going all red! Come on, Bill, Bev's right, leave him alone," laughed a fourth voice. 

"We just want to know who he's texting to make his face look like that!" That time Richie couldn't tell if it was Bill or Stanley but it made him smile all the same. His phone buzzed in his pocket again but he didn't look, guessing it was a warning about the company. 

He went inside then, figuring it would be unethical to stand there and eavesdrop. As he went into the room six pairs of eyes fixed on him and Richie grinned at them in amusement. "Your neighbors are going to file a noise complaint."

A redheaded boy who had been only half on his chair, half his body falling off of it from his excitement Richie guessed, stared at him and then looked at Eddie and mouthed entirely unsubtly ' _ Is it him?' _

"Bill, for the love of God," laughed a muscular, tall boy with a dark complexion and warm expression. 

"You have the subtlety of a train," sighed a boy with curly hair who was sitting in an armchair by the window. 

Eddie was flushing furiously, nose scrunched adorably in embarrassment as he pulled his gaze from Bill and back to Richie. He managed a small, embarrassed smile that was stunningly beautiful and said, "Hi, Richie. These are my jerk friends who I'm never speaking to again."

The room instantly filled with laughs and scattered protests, mostly from the one girl who insisted that she had been on Eddie's side.

"Hi, jerk friends," Richie said with a laugh. "I'm Richie. I volunteer here so I met Eddie the other day." He crossed over to the bed and stood next to Eddie, which also meant standing near the girl who was squinting at him curiously. 

"Are you working now?" asked Bill quickly, eyes bright.

Richie felt his grin grow slightly and glanced from Bill to Eddie, who looked a mix of mortified and curious (and maybe hopeful). "No, I'm not. I just wanted to come see the Spaghetti Man."

Eddie tried to frown at him and said, "Don't call me that." He scooted over on the bed and patted it. Carefully, Richie sat down next to him on the bed. "So this is Bev, Ben, Mike, Stan, and Bill, who is now dead to me." Bill grinned at Eddie so affectionately then that Richie felt his own heart warm towards the redhead. 

"Nice to meet you all," Richie said with a small nod. 

"You new, Richie?" Bev asked eagerly, leaning forward with such interest that it was as if she was a reporter looking for a story. 

"Moved from Castle Rock just after Christmas, so I'll start school next week," he reported easily. 

"Senior?"

"Yep."

"Leave him alone, Bev," Eddie said, the cutest grimace in the world pulling at his face. 

"Yeah, Bev, you're embarrassing Eddie," Stan said, bringing a laugh from Bill. 

Richie grinned at Eddie then and slowly, almost unnoticeably, slid his hand a little closer to Eddie's on the bed. "It's okay," he said gently, "I don't mind. How long have you all been friends?"

"We came together through the years," Bill said easily, "but Eddie and I were first. We were friends pretty young." 

"Sounds like it's too late to get rid of him, Eds," Richie said with a small grin. 

"Try me," Eddie said non-venomously, casting an affectionate glare at Bill. Richie noticed with a shot of joy that Eddie hadn’t told him not to call him Eds.

It was a weird feeling but a good one, fitting in so easily with an entire group of people so fast. No one missed a beat with Richie's addition, and before long it was like he had been there all along. 

After a couple of hours, the others had all filed out one by one, leaving Richie alone with Eddie again. He glanced at him with a wide grin. "I like your friends."

"They like you too. They aren't like that to everyone," Eddie said with a smile. He readjusted on the bed again so that Richie could sit with his back against the raised head of the bed as well, his lanky body stretching out over the covers that Eddie was underneath. 

"Good. You know… I'd kind of like to keep seeing you after you go home."

Eddie glanced down at his lap, a soft, warm smile pulling at his face. "Oh yeah?" 

"Yeah. That okay?"

That smile stayed on Eddie’s face, and Richie felt warm and happy, thrilled to be the one to put that expression there. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Good by me.”

Richie smiled softly and nodded, glancing down and hesitating only briefly before slipping his fingers through Eddie’s easily, the movement so fluid and easy that it didn’t at all betray the nerves he felt as he did it. He watched with uncertainty as Eddie looked down at their hands and then back at Richie, that smile only growing as he did. “So then maybe… Maybe you’d go see a movie with me?”

“Go see a movie with you like with some friends or go see a movie with you like a…?” Eddie trailed off, still somehow looking uncertain. Richie couldn’t help but wonder how it could be possible for Eddie to seem so hesitant to believe that someone could be interested in him like that. It seemed strange for anybody to not see Eddie Kaspbrak like Richie already did.

“Like a date,” Richie said, again with more confidence and ease than he felt. 

Eddie’s eyes fell to their hands between their legs and that same softer smile went over his face, along with a soft hint of a blush. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

“That’s… Good. Great.” Richie watched him softly, a soft expression of affection crossing over his face. “You know… You sent me a pretty interesting text last night,” he teased lightly. 

Eddie’s blush instantly deepened, growing into a scarlet as he muttered, “Shut up. I was high.”

“Ah, well that’s a shame,” Richie hummed quietly. “Cuz if you meant it, I was gonna do this.” He saw Eddie start at the words and Richie slowly leaned in, using his thumb and forefinger to guide Eddie’s chin towards him. Eddie’s lips were parting slightly already, making Richie smile as he kissed him tenderly.

**Part Two**

_ April 11, 2020 _

“Eddie-bear!” The sound of her voice made Richie and Eddie both sit bolt upright in panic, the morning sunlight streaming through the window. They exchanged panicked looks and then Richie rolled out of the bed and onto the floor, pulling his clothes on frantically as the footsteps approached the bedroom. “Eddie-bear, are you up yet?”

“Yeah, ma! Be right out!” Eddie yelled, getting dressed quickly. Richie scrambled to the window and opened it. He glanced back at Eddie and grinned at him, mouthing that he’d see him later. He pulled out a playing card out of his pocket with a flower drawn at the bottom and lyrics written at the top and set it on Eddie’s desk. Then he tossed himself quickly out of the window.

The walk back to his house was familiar at this point with how much he’d walked it since Eddie had been out of the hospital in January. The months had been good, surprisingly so even. Eddie’s friends had accepted him as one of their own in a way that made him more than ‘Eddie’s boyfriend’. With them, he was simply Richie and they actually liked him. It wasn’t something he’d grown used to experiencing with his peers, in fact, he had stopped looking for it all together by the time he’d come to Derry.

He had gotten to spend Valentine’s Day with Eddie, which had given him a lot of chances to make the other boy blush in that adorable way that he did. Every so often, Valentine’s Day included, Richie would draw a different flower on a playing card with different song lyrics over it. Eddie had asked him why and Richie had told him that it was his way of giving him flowers since they’d already discovered he wouldn’t get to keep real ones. The smile he’d gotten for that had felt like it could have kept him warm for days all on its own.

Eddie had a way of looking at him like he mattered like he was seen and still somehow appreciated for being who he was. It wasn’t a common feeling for him, but he loved it. And after months of dating, it was getting harder to keep his mouth shut about realizing that he really did love Eddie. But they had agreed early on that they both needed to check what they said, and not say  _ that  _ especially until they knew they could go to college close together so as to not make a possible break any harder than it had to be. Richie wasn’t entirely sure how exactly that would make sense if he loved him anyway, but he wasn’t about to argue it.

Richie shut the front door behind him after getting inside his house and headed for the kitchen for breakfast, whistling to himself as he went. He paused as he reached the doorway, his eyes falling on Maggie Tozier sitting at the kitchen table, her foot tapping on the floor as she drank from her coffee, a large envelope in front of her. “Hi,” he said slowly.

She jumped slightly as she realized he was there, turning with a bright smile. “Hi! I was waiting for you. How was Eddie’s?”

“Good,” he said slowly, eyes narrowing slightly. “What’s going on?”

She beamed at him and lifted the envelope to reveal that it was from NYU. He felt his heart skip a handful of beats in his chest and didn’t even realize he’d sat down until she was handing him the envelope with a smile. “Open it up.”

He stared down at it, wanting to open it but suddenly feeling all encompassingly afraid to touch it more than he was. His fingers ran over the edge of it slowly as his eyes looked at it as if it were going to explode. NYU was his first choice school for several reasons but it wasn’t until lately that one of the more important ones had presented itself. 

Eddie was applying to NYU too, it had turned out. And if they both got in… If they both got in then this thing they had, this amazing thing didn’t have to end. 

He let out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and ripped it open, pulling out the paper with shaking hands. “We are pleased to inform you that-” His mom started screaming excitedly as she pulled him to his feet and hugged him and then he was laughing from the sheer relief of it.

When they calmed themselves down, Maggie got herself more coffee and got Richie a cup and then they sat and talked about the future. 

___

_ April 26, 2020 _

“What do you mean you still haven’t gotten your letter?” Richie asked, furrowing his brow slightly as he walked through town beside Eddie. 

Eddie shrugged his shoulders lightly, gaze on the ground like it usually was when the conversation went to something that he felt uncertain of. “I dunno, maybe that’s just rejection, right?”

“I’m pretty sure you still get a letter, babe.” Richie watched him carefully, reaching out carefully to take his hand, which was something they didn’t do as often as either of them would like, mostly due to the hate that lived so evidently in this town. “Hey, we can check online, right? We can take a look. We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about it.” It had been weeks since Richie had received his, so Eddie’s answer had to be there somewhere, right?

Eddie gave him an exasperated look and said, “You know me better than that.”

Richie let out a small laugh as their hands swung between them, leaning over to kiss Eddie’s cheek lightly which, somehow after all these months, still brought that adorable flush to Eddie’s face. “God, you’re cute.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak but the words never came. Instead, he stopped walking altogether, pulling Richie to a stop with him, his eyes fixed on something up ahead. “Oh, fuck,” he breathed, face quickly going pale. He pulled at Richie’s hand quickly. “We gotta go, we gotta go  _ now _ -”

Richie didn’t understand what he was talking about until he saw Henry Bowers and Belch Huggins up ahead of them. “Oh, fuck. Did they see us?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie breathed, his palm sweaty against Richie’s. He pulled at him carefully, backing up now with Richie with him, both of them watching the worst of the bullies ahead. 

“Trying to sneak off there, fags?” Henry turned his gaze on them then, one eyebrow quirking as he smirked.

“Fuck, go.” Richie shoved at Eddie lightly and they both started running. They didn’t have to discuss where to go, Richie had learned quickly with the group that there was only one place to avoid someone for the Losers Club. The Barrens.

Eddie could, despite what his mother might say, run even faster than he could talk. Richie had learned that as well, and it was good because it forced him to keep himself moving fast as well, if for no other reason than just to attempt to keep up with his boyfriend, almost like a game. He did most things better when he pretended that they were games.

They could hear Bowers and Belch behind them, but from the sounds of it, it seemed like they had been joined now by more of their gang.

As soon as they’d reached their destination, Richie made sure that the gang was too far behind to see them before Eddie opened the door to the clubhouse. They both climbed in and shut the door. They crouched on the ground together, labored breaths going between them as they waited.

The footsteps came overhead soon after and they looked at each other with wide, quiet eyes. Richie slowly reached out and intertwined his fingers with Eddie’s, feeling like his heart might end up hammering right out of his chest or at least breaking some bones. 

“Where the fuck are they?” Bowers yelled furiously. “Where are the fucking fairies?”

Richie felt a muscle in his jaw jump and he so badly wanted to climb out just so that he could taunt him that he was outrun by ‘fairies’. He forced himself to stay still instead, squeezing Eddie’s hand as if to stop himself from doing something stupid to both of them. Slowly, the footsteps receded, with Bowers telling his gang of ugly henchmen to never repeat what happened.

A shaking breath of relief fell from Richie’s lips and he grinned. “Oh my god, Eddie, you were so fucking fast, you saved our asses. Oh my god, that was fucking awesome, that was-” His words died in his throat when he saw Eddie’s expression. His face was pale, almost sickly so and Richie felt worry wash right over the elation that had been there a moment before. As he released Richie’s hand, Richie realized that Eddie was shaking. The shorter boy leaned against the dugout wall and slid to the ground, his hands raking through his hair.

Finally, a theory that had been building in Richie’s mind for months took hold of his brain again and he slowly knelt in front of Eddie, putting his hand on his knee as his boyfriend breathed deeply in and out. He reached out slowly, digging the inhaler out of his boyfriend’s pocket and lifting it to his lips. Eddie inhaled deeply two times before starting to look grounded again.

He looked at Richie with wide eyes, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. Richie chewed on his lower lip and rubbed Eddie’s clothed knee with his thumb lovingly. “It’s over,” he said softly. “We made it. You were so good. So fucking fast, baby.”

Eddie snorted and shook his head, moving to tuck his head between his knees as he breathed, one hand wrapping around the one that Richie had on his kneecap. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Richie told him softly, watching him hesitantly. “Eddie, was… It was Bowers and them, wasn’t it? That put you in the hospital? For being gay?”

Eddie went still under him and his breathing changed, hitching a little though it was still steadier than it had been minutes before. He slowly nodded his head without bringing it out from between his knees. 

“And you didn’t say anything. Because you don’t want your mom to know.” It was a fact that Richie knew and was more than okay with. As far as he was concerned, he didn’t have any right to decide when Eddie was ready to come out to anyone in his family, especially his mother. She was overbearing, unapproving, obsessed with control. Richie wouldn’t want to tell her either; he could only imagine the things she must think about it. 

As far as she knew, he and Eddie were only good friends and he didn’t care how long it stayed that way. He wanted Eddie happy and he definitely wanted to be the one to keep doing that as long as he could be. That was what mattered.

“Yeah,” Eddie whispered, shutting his eyes tightly. “Yeah.”

Richie leaned forward, kissing the top of Eddie’s head softly. He lingered there for a minute, letting his lips stay against Eddie’s sweaty hair before parting only to press his forehead to it instead. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured, bringing his free hand to rub Eddie’s back and then clasp the back of his neck. “I’m so sorry.” They sat there together for the rest of the day, first just whispering to each other and holding each other before moving to the hammock.

Richie lay down first and then Eddie came to lay between his legs, head on his shoulder with their chests pressed together. Not for the first time that day alone, Richie found himself tempted to say the three words that he wanted Eddie to hear, that he wanted Eddie to know that he felt. But he knew Eddie wanted it to wait, and so he bit his tongue.

He carefully ghosted his fingertips up and down Eddie’s spine, kissing at Eddie’s hair again. “I’m really sorry this town sucks so badly,” he whispered. 

Eddie slowly turned his face so that he was looking up at Richie, his eyes filled with something that made Richie’s heart constrict. It looked a lot like the same thing he was stopping himself from saying right now. “I’ve had some good come out of it,” he said softly.

Richie felt a smile pull at his lips as he leaned in, feathering a kiss on Eddie’s nose. “Oh yeah? Maybe this town brought you an angel?”

Eddie snorted. “That’s absolutely hilarious. Nothing angelic about him at all.”

Richie exhaled as if in pain and leaned back, pressing a hand on his chest the best that he could. “Ouch.”

Eddie laughed and reached out, hand coming behind Richie’s neck to pull his head back to him carefully. “Angelic would be boring.” He gave Richie _ that _ look again but saved Richie from saying something stupid by kissing him deeply.

______

_ May 09, 2020 _

A few weeks after the Bowers incident, Eddie was quickly becoming resigned to the fact that he was going to be attending the university in Portland. He’d checked his email, emailed NYU’s admissions, even called. But he had yet to get any kind of response or manage to reach anybody on the phone, but it was hard to talk to anybody but a robot nowadays through a telephone. 

Now, he sat at his desk refreshing his inbox with the resigned expression of a blank stare. He was about to do it again when a new email from Bill appeared. He opened it quickly, realized it was pages of Bill’s new short story and instantly went to click Archive. His hand jerked at the last second when he heard something fall outside in the neighbor’s yard (followed by hollering) and he accidentally clicked delete instead.

He looked at the window with a glare and then turned to the email, groaning a quiet, “Fuck me” as he realized the email was now in the trash. Eddie muttered quietly to himself about the annoyance of neighbors as he went to the Trash folder, opening it to retrieve Bill’s story. 

That was when he saw the responses from NYU Admissions. There was a response for every single email he had sent them and none of them had been seen by him. He hadn’t deleted them, he knew he hadn’t. At the bottom of all of it was an email that wasn’t a response to anything. Before he even clicked it, he knew what it was, and sure enough it read:

_ We are pleased to inform you… _

Eddie sat for a long time in shock, staring at his computer screen. He felt like he should celebrate, he should call someone, he should do something. But all he could feel was betrayal because only one person had access to this email. It was still, to this day, logged into the family computer in the living room since he had created the account, which he had done two years ago, long before he’d had his own laptop.

He had never thought to change it. He had never thought he would  _ have  _ to. 

Long ago, he had discovered that his mother had lied to him about his various illnesses, allergies, and medications. He knew he didn’t have asthma and that his inhaler was just to keep him calm. He knew that she was why he’d struggled and cried to Bill when he’d finally stopped denying that he was gay. He knew that she was controlling and manipulative and selfish.

But he had never thought that she would do something like this. He never thought she would sabotage his future.

The worst part of that moment was the realization of how naive and childish that trust had been. She had always sabotaged him, hadn’t she? A good mother didn’t make her child think he was sick and weak when he wasn’t. A good mother didn’t make him feel like he should be afraid of himself if he realized he liked men instead of women. A good mother didn’t try to make her child think that he would never be able to survive alone.

Richie had said it himself when they had faced Bowers. He was fast. He could have done track, he’d overheard coaches and doctors tell her so, and he probably would have been great. It might have gotten him scholarships. But she insisted he shouldn’t run, that he was too frail, too weak, too fragile.

Eddie was beginning to realize, right now, as he stared at his computer, that just maybe he wasn’t fragile at all. Maybe he was strong, stronger than her, and maybe that scared her. His jaw worked as the fury seeped through his body, spreading to every inch of him until he didn’t think he could contain it anymore. With a furious cry of hurt anger, he swept all of the books and notebooks off of his desk and against the wall, chest heaving. Then he fell apart, crying into his arms on the desk as his shoulders shook and he tried to wrap his mind around the fact that his own mother had tried to take away his dream school and everything that he had ever wanted for himself.

He only let himself feel the pain and the weight of it for five minutes before he got to his feet and bent down to collect everything that had fallen. He carefully put it back even neater than it had been before and then moved to the living room, slowly lowering himself onto the couch to wait for her to come home from the store. 

When the door opened a half an hour later, Eddie didn’t look at her at first, keeping his eyes on the stain on the carpet that he’d been looking at for the last ten minutes. “Eddie-bear, I got you that cereal that the doctor said was healthier. I know how sometimes your tummy gets upset and we need to watch that before- Eddie-bear? What’s wrong? Aren’t you going to help me put the groceries away?”

Eddie looked up at her slowly then, not moving from the couch. He saw her expression change and a look of something close to fear cross over her face at his expression of cold anger. “You went through my emails, Ma. You deleted my acceptance emails. Did you take my letter too?”

“Eddie-bear, I really do not know what you’re talking about,” she said with a disapproving sniff. “But I don’t appreciate you accusing me of such things. Now, I’m sorry that you didn’t get into NYU, but I think in the long run you’ll see it really is for the best. Now come help me in the kitchen-” She was a terrible liar and it made Eddie wonder how in the world he had let her jerk him around and fool him about so many things for so long. The thought only made him feel worse and even more foolish.

Eddie raised his voice to get her attention as he said, “I found them in my trash folder.” He got his feet slowly. “And I didn’t see them. None of them were even opened, Ma. So how else would they get into my trash? I know my password and you have access to my email and I didn’t think that was a problem but- You did it, didn’t you?”

“Eddie, I’m going to get angry if you keep accusing me of these terrible things.” She gave him a withering stare that would usually get him to back down with a small ‘Sorry, Mommy’ but this time it didn’t. This time he straightened his back and stared back at her with the same cold stare.

She stared back at him, that scared look from moments before starting to creep back into her eyes. She jerked her face away from him and sniffed again, carrying the grocery bags into the kitchen and setting them down on the island. Eddie followed her. “Ma? Tell me the truth. For once in my life, tell me the truth.”

Finally, Sonia Kaspbrak turned to face him. Her face looked set in the same way that a teacher looked when they were about to tell you all of the ways that you were failing. The worst was that there was also that resigned look of pity in there, as if she was having to explain something painful but simple to him. “Yes, Eddie, I did. I knew you weren’t going to listen to me but I’m your mother and I know what’s best for you and running off to New York where there’s crime and sickness and  _ gay people _ everywhere- I didn’t want that for you. And sometimes if a mother knows best, her job is to just act on it. So I did.” Eddie stared at her for a long moment, feeling nothing but a cold and betrayed anger. His expression seemed to unnerve her again and he saw tears well up in her dark eyes, though he didn’t believe even for a second that they were real. “Eddie, we both know that you can’t make it that far away from me. You need me, Eddie. You need your mommy and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“No,” he said firmly, his expression hardening. He straightened his stance again, determined to make himself as tall as he could possibly be. “I don’t, Ma. You can’t control my life anymore. I’m going to go to New York University. I’m going to figure out what I want to do with my life. And you don’t get to decide that for me anymore. You don’t get to decide  _ anything _ for me anymore.”

Sonia stared at him with a stunned expression as if he’d slapped her and then the tears started to flow. He felt guilt pull at him and he felt like he had to do something, say whatever it took to make it stop, but he stood firm.  _ It’s programming,  _ he thought as if from far away.  _ It’s just what she’s programmed in me. _ “Oh, Eddie. Oh, Eddie, what have I done to make you hurt me like this?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie said quietly. “What did I ever do to you? What did I do, Ma, to make you make me think I was sick? What did I do to make you tell me I was fragile all the time or that I couldn’t go out on my own? What did  _ I  _ do?”

“I just worry about you, Eddie-bear. You know how I love you. You’re all I have, Eddie, you’re my whole life.” The worst part was that that was probably true. She probably did love him, and he was all she had. But she also wanted to be all that he had, and he couldn’t live that way. Not anymore.

“Only because you made it that way,” he said cooly. “You did that to both of us. But I’m going to go to school, Ma. I’m not going to stay in Maine. I’m going to go to New York, and I’m going to go with Richie.”

A strange expression passed over her face then, as if she had had an idea, a thought that could solve all of it. Eddie knew what was coming before she did it and he felt himself tense in preparation. She let out a sob that seemed half relieved and she said, “I knew it. I knew this wasn’t you, Eddie. It’s that boy. He’s put all these thoughts in your head. You don’t talk to your mother like this.”

“It’s not Richie, Ma,” he told her evenly. “It’s you. It’s you trying to control me. It’s you trying to make me what you want me to be. You wouldn’t even like what I am.”

“Eddie, I don’t understand. I love who you are, what do you mea-”

“Gay, Ma. I’m gay.” Eddie stared back at her as she gaped at him, the tears frozen on her face- proof that they were fake and forced. “I didn’t fall out of a tree, I got beat up because I’m gay.”  _ What do you think of me now?  _ He wanted to say, but he couldn’t quite get the words out. He thought he might be sick, felt like he was going to lose his lunch right here on the floor.

“No, Eddie, no. You’re not. That’s- That’s not right and you- you’re my good boy,” she said, her eyes wide with shock and more than Eddie didn’t want to examine. He didn’t want to know what she thought. His struggles with hiding his own feelings and identity had been his burden, her homophobia could be hers.

“I’m gay, Ma,” he said. “I am.”

The crying started again and even though Eddie had thought it couldn’t get worse, it somehow did. He wanted to cry or get sick or run or something, but he was stuck. She reached for him, tried to hug him into her, but he ducked away quickly, forcing himself to move. “Oh, Eddie. It’s okay. We’ll get you help. We’ll get you help. There are things we can do, places we can go, people who will help you- you’re just sick-”

“No, Ma.” Eddie jerked away further, staring at her through his own watery vision. “I’m not sick. If either of us are, maybe it’s you.” She wailed his name again and, unable to take it anymore, he ran out of the house.

Eddie ran down street after street, ran even as the sun finished setting and the streetlights came on. He ran until he was forced to stop and fall to his knees as he tried to catch his breath and see through the sharp pain in his side. His muscles were aching, his head swimming, and he could not fucking breathe. 

He rummaged in his pockets for his aspirator, hand shaking as he went to bring it to his lips. He froze partway there, staring at it with his swimming vision. It was just water, right? Placebos. He let out a choked, tearful, broken laugh and clutched it in his hand, his side pounding at the pressure of the hysterical laughter. When he finally regained himself, he put it back in his pocket and got to his feet.

This time he walked. He walked until he got to the Tozier’s and knocked on the door. Richie was, thankfully, the one who answered. His face paled instantly as he saw the look on Eddie’s face and the sweat from all of his running. Richie lifted his hands towards him, looking hesitant, and that made Eddie wonder just how bad he looked. “Eds, fuck, are you- Holy fuck, what happened?”

He didn’t speak. Instead, he just fell into Richie’s arms and let himself cry.

___

_ August 10, 2020 _

The change in Eddie was astounding. Before everything had gone down with his mom in May, Richie was already amazed by him and how strong he was. Even then Eddie had been the strongest person he’d ever met, the most impressive, and by far the bravest. But after the ordeal in May, it was as if Eddie had finally come to believe it too, as if he could actually see it himself. 

The day after he’d showed up on the Tozier’s doorstep, he had gone back home with Richie, though he had left him outside, firmly telling him that he had to handle her by himself but that he would get him if he needed the support. Then he had gone inside to talk to her and straighten out the changes that were going to happen. He had announced that he was going to NYU, that he was gay, that he was in a relationship, and that she could change absolutely none of it. He went on to tell her that he wanted her to be in his life but that it was his life and if she tried to change it or him, he would cut ties. 

When he’d come back outside, he’d been shaking as he’d sunk down to sit on the grass. Richie had sat beside him and held him while Eddie told him all of his. “I think it might work,” he had said quietly. “I think she might accept the way it is.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Richie had tried to say, but Eddie had interrupted him with, “I love you.” Richie had stared back at him with dumb shock as he tried to wrap his head around it. “I love you,” Eddie had repeated, grinning with elated confidence. 

“I love you too,” Richie had whispered and then Eddie had kissed him right on his front lawn with an unabashed bravery that he hadn’t ever had before. 

Their friends were just as proud of Eddie, checking on him daily and sending him a stream of  _ ‘I am so proud of you’ _ texts through the next couple of weeks. Eddie had difficult days, of course, and times when he felt like he was the one at fault with his mom. When that happened he would stay at the Tozier’s for a night or two. He tended to be hard on himself when that happened, when he considered caving or when he felt like he was to blame for it all. Richie would hold him through it and whisper assurances to him that he was doing great and that he was loved.

Now, Richie parked his car on the curb in front of Eddie’s house. Eddie had brought his things over the night before and they had spent a good hour packing both of their things into the car with the best possible way. 

Richie shot Eddie a quick text that he was outside, not wanting to go to the door and ruin a hopefully good moment with Eddie and his mom; she hated Richie even more now that she knew he was dating Eddie. She blamed him for Eddie coming out, of course, even though it had nothing whatsoever to do with Richie. In her mind, it did, and unfortunately that was something that might never change.

The door opened and he watched with a small smile as Eddie hugged her one more time and jogged to the car. It looked like she was crying, which was one of her most common manipulation techniques and the one that Richie hated her for the most, but Eddie looked almost completely unfazed when he got into the car. Richie could feel the adoring smile taking hold on his face as he looked at his boyfriend with all of the pride that one person could possibly hold for another. 

“Hey, you ready to- What?” Eddie was looking at him with a puzzled expression.

Richie grinned at him and shook his head, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to his lips. “Nothing,” he murmured into his skin. “I just really fucking love you.”

“Yeah, love you too, you big sap,” Eddie said, but Richie could feel the smile on his lips. “C’mon.” Eddie pushed lightly and playfully at his chest. “New York is a long drive and I’m ready to get the hell out of this town.”

Richie grinned at him and moved back into his own seat. “Alright. Let’s get the hell out of this town then.” 

“We have to text the others when we get there,” Eddie said, settling into his own seat more comfortably as he played lightly with Richie’s fingers. “They’re gonna do the same.” The Losers were, more or less, scattering to different universities but none of them seemed worried about losing contact. It was something Richie wouldn’t have understood if he wasn’t a part of it, but the group was unbreakable. They could do anything as long as they were united, and they definitely didn’t have to be physically together to do it.

“They friggin better. I still say we should all go to the best of the colleges next year. We’ll just… I dunno, share information and then have a big survey. I mean, it’s gonna be NYU, but they can think they have a fair shot.”

Eddie snorted and rolled his eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Hey,” Richie said with a soft smile. “Check the back seat.”

He glanced at Eddie through the corner of his eyes as Eddie leaned into the back. He couldn’t see his expression back there but he could hear the warm laugh and saw as Eddie pulled a small bouquet of flowers into the front, throwing Richie a look mixed of amusement and adoration. “Really, Rich?”

“Hey, you can officially have flowers without someone tossing them. I’m taking full advantage of that.”

Eddie chuckled again as he pulled a playing card from between two of the stems, with a small sunflower and lyrics on it. “And yet.”

“I’m a sucker for tradition.” Richie took Eddie’s hand again and kissed his knuckles, grinning to himself as he allowed himself one more look at that warm smile that he loved so much before settling his gaze back on the road in front of them.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you guys thought! Kudos and Comments are both appreciated!


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